she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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