Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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