i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
