a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry about my life...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
