Cold hands, warm shart.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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