I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
