I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"