he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.