I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
