Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
