my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
