its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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