Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
