on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
