Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
