look no pants
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
