I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
