Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
