he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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