you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
