Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
