I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
