just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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