I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
