Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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