Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
