Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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