Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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