i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
