she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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