Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
