haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
