I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
