I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
