I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize