Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
