hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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