Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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