you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
