So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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