so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
