the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
