just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
