So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
