Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
