if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
