So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want nice things and good sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
