this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
