I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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