the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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