I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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