you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
