it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
