they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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