Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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