Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
