dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
