Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
