If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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