He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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