I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
