Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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