i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She bit a glass in half.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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