I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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