Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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