I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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