why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
