So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
