She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
