Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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